On June 10, a select group of theater professionals will get to take home Broadway's biggest honor: a Tony Award. Although we're eager to congratulate the Best Actors and Best Featured Actresses, Broadway.com's editors feel it's high time to bestow awards in some less-obvious categories! Below is our list of 25 fictional Tonys we would love to hand out at the Beacon Theater. Take a look, and see if you agree.
Best Drug Trip Not Caused by Actually Taking Drugs: Staring at the '70s-inspired optical illusion sets of On a Clear Day You Can See Forever.
Best Reason Not to Waste Time Reading Fifty Shades of Grey: The incredibly kinky, yet intellectually stimulating Venus in Fur. (Runner-up: The leather and whip-heavy wardrobe of the temple denizens in Jesus Christ Superstar.)
Best High-Flying Moment Not From Spider-Man: Judy Kaye swinging from a chandelier while singing “Looking for a Boy” in Nice Work If You Can Get It.
Best Proof That It's Never Too Late to Play an Ingenue: Patti LuPone’s emotional turn as Julie in a condensed version of Carousel from An Evening with Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin.
Here! Just Take a Trophy for Taking Your Shirt Off Award: Richard Fleeshman in Ghost.
Here! Just Take a Trophy and Put Your Shirt Back On Award: John Lithgow in The Columnist.
Most Misleading Title Award: Basketball drama Magic/Bird, which did not include any enchanted winged creatures.
Best Performance by a Spider-Man not in Spider-Man: Andrew Garfield in Death of a Salesman.
Best Argument for the Use of Male Lingerie: The inventive mermaid bras sported by the Peter and the Starcatcher cast during the act two opener “Mermaid Out of Me.”
If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It Award: Just four months after ending the Harry Potter film series, Alan Rickman once again hilariously played an intimidating, dry and stern Snape-like teacher in Seminar.
Best Super-Buff, Well-Nourished Teen Orphans From the 19th Century: The cast of Newsies.
Set Piece You’d Most Like for Your Own Apartment: The massive, yet sleek fireplace in the Wyeth family living room of Other Desert Cities.
Set Piece You’d Never Want In Your Own Apartment: The giant falling baby in Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark.
Best Musical Trend: The delightful pre-show concerts at Once and One Man, Two Guvnors. Bonus points to Once for serving drinks on stage, too!
Best Tactic to Make Broadway Good Girls Go Bad: Send her back to the Prohibition days and hand her a gun. Case in point: Laura Osnes (Bonnie & Clyde) and Kelli O’Hara (Nice Work If You Can Get It).
Best Joke We’re Constantly Telling Friends and Pretending is Our Own: The tampon joke from Clybourne Park.
Best Dental Work for the Biblical Age: Hunter Parrish’s pearly white grin in Godspell.
Best Case for Non-Traditional Marriages: Woody Allen’s bizarre and somewhat true to life “father ends up with daughter-in-law” ending of Honeymoon Suite from Relatively Speaking.
Worst Case for Traditional Marriages: The epic “Loveland” numbers of Follies as Danny Burstein, Bernadette Peters, Jan Maxwell and Ron Raines sing about their crumbling relationships.
Good Sport Award: Liz Mikel for slipping into a skin-tight onesie every night in Lysistrata Jones' brothel scene.
Award for Most Hours Spent in a Yoga Studio: Tracie Bennett for her mind-blowingly flexible dance moves in End of the Rainbow.
Give 'em a Hand (Literally!) Award: Christian Borle's dismemberment gag in Peter and the Starcatcher. (Runner-Up: Tom Edden's tremor induced clumsy waiter skills in One Man, Two Guvnors.)
Happiest Revolutionary Award: The always-smiley Ricky Martin in Evita.
Show Up on Stage and People Will Hand Over Their Life Savings to Score a Ticket Award: Hugh Jackman for his magnificently entertaining sell-out solo show Hugh Jackman, Back on Broadway
Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps Award: Jeremy Jordan for surviving fall flop Bonnie & Clyde only to headline one of the season's biggest hits (and score a Tony nomination) two months later in Newsies.