Jake Gyllenhaal Rocks an Old Man Beard, Sutton Foster Is the New Miley Cyrus & More Lessons of the Week

Labor Day is right around the corner, but before the barbecues begin, it’s time to say goodbye to yet another exciting week on the Great White Way. From the Broadway ambitions of Sporty Spice to Jake Gyllenhaal’s sexy, sexy beard, the last seven days have been a whirlwind of fun headlines and surprises. Read below to find out what happened!

Jake Gyllenhaal Resembles an Old Jewish Milkman
If There Is I Haven’t Found It Yet star Jake Gyllenhaal stopped by The Late Show With David Letterman this week, sporting a seriously shaggy beard. After some teasing from Letterman, the stage and screen hunk revealed the reason he’s been letting his facial hair grow: “I’ve been offered Tevye in some amateur production [of Fiddler on the Roof],” Gyllenhaal joked. Jake, the role sounds perfect for you! But it’s been a while since we’ve seen Fiddler…Tevye takes his shirt off, right?

Watch Out, Elena Roger! A Spice Girl Wants Your Job
Former Spice Girls singer Melanie Chisholm (better known as Sporty Spice) is coming to an arena near you (if you live in England), playing the holy role of Mary Magdalene in Jesus Christ Superstar. But the pop star has her sights set on Broadway, and Mel wants to play another historical figure—one that’s already been claimed. “I’d love to play the role of Evita,” Mel C. told The Daily Mail. Dice are rolling and the knives are out, Elena Roger. If you see a stranger in a dark alley wearing a sports bra with a bedazzled British flag on it, run.

Dee Snider Moonlights as a Broadway Matchmaker
Wedding bells are ringing for Rock of Ages star Justin Matthew Sargent, who revealed he will be marrying his lovely fiancee Celine in September 2013. But before tying the knot, Sargent and his lady got marriage advice from a very unorthodox love guru—Twisted Sister frontman and Broadway alum Dee Snider. “She’s gonna be your rock, the person that stands by you and is gonna be there for you,” Snider told Sargent after seeing the happy couple in love. Dee Snider: The Rockin' Broadway Matchmaker? We smell a new Bravo reality show.

Broadway Fans Won't Let Will Swenson Retire His Heels
A musical adaptation of Tootsie is currently in the works, so we asked our readers to pick the right man to play Michael Dorsey and his drag alter-ego Dorothy Michaels. And the winner is…Will Swenson! Swenson knocked our socks off as Australian drag diva Mitzi/Tick in Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and we’d love to see him trodding the boards in heels and glittering ensembles once more. Luckily, his fiancee Audra McDonald has a couple of old Tony dresses he can borrow. Or 20.

Newsboys Have Serious Street Cred, Yo
This week, Ryan “Bresident” Breslin and the Newsies gang showed they’re more than just a bunch of pirouetting Broadway softies. Breslin (who plays Race in the hit musical) showed off some badass rap skills in a hilarious music video. They even threw in a dig at Newsies film star Christian Bale, who remains indifferent about the musical’s success. “I would never bail like Christian,” Breslin raps in the video, “Wishin’ he could be a part of this hey, but I ain’t dissin’.” Oooh, burn! Sorry boys, we think you’re awesome, but Christian Bale is way too busy, uh, being Batman to watch YouTube videos.

Broadway Could Be Lady Gaga's Backup Plan
This week, Lady Gaga Tweeted an awesome photo of herself looking glam as Adelaide in her high school production of Guys & Dolls. We took this as a sign that she’s ready for Broadway, and went through the trouble of picking a few choice roles for her—you know, if the Princess of Pop thing doesn’t work out. Wouldn't it be fun to see Gags reinvent the role of Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors, as a love-struck florist’s assistant who falls for a masochistic dentist? We can’t wait to see Gaga’s opening night dress made of teeth!

Want to Fund a Broadway Album? Try Kickstarter
If you’ve always wanted to record an album chock full of catchy showtunes but couldn’t afford the studio time, look no further than Kickstarter, the kickass fundraising website that allows friends, fans and rich aunts to donate money to your cause. All the cool kids are doing it: Spider-Man Green Goblin Robert Cuccioli funded his solo CD on Kickstarter, and Broadway.com correspondent Susan Blackwell raised nearly $90,000 with the off-Broadway cast of Now. Here. This. It’s a win-win! Fans get a sweet CD, Now. Here. This. lives on in an album, and Susan Blackwell gets one step closer to world domination.

John Lloyd Young Wasn’t Kidding About the Kung Fu Thing
The last time Jersey Boys star John Lloyd Young came to Broadway.com HQ, he showed off his fancy Kung Fu moves on Editor-In-Chief Paul Wontorek (and scared the hell out of him). This week, when the Tony winner arrived to shoot his very own Ask a Star feature, we were hoping for a repeat performance. Ask and ye shall receive…in full Kung Fu drag! Don’t worry John, you’ve got our vote for the leading role in Kung Fu Panda: The Musical. Hi-yah! Tony number two.

Don't Mess With Ellen Barkin
When Utah-based NBC affiliate KSL-TV refused to air the new comedy series The New Normal because they felt it contained “inappropriate” content, the show’s Tony winning star Ellen Barkin spoke up. “So [Law & Order: SVU] is ok? But [a] loving gay couple having a baby is inappropriate?” Barkin posted on Twitter. “Anal tearing not ‘explicit’ content? Child slavery not ‘explicit’ content?” Damn! Great work, Ellen, but let’s not pull SVU into this. You don’t want to put thousands of Broadway guest stars out on the streets, do you?

Sutton Foster Has 10-Year-Old Stalkers
Now that she’s wrapped her first season of the ballet-centric series Bunheads, Tony winner Sutton Foster is a bona fide TV star. And just like Miley Cyrus and Brangelina, Foster can’t even walk down the cereal aisle in peace! “I got followed in the grocery store by a gaggle of 10-year-olds, and that cracked me up,” Foster told Broadway.com. We’re thrilled you have so many adoring fans in L.A., Sutton, but will you make us a deal? Stop wearing your tutu to the A&P!