Johnny Depp Gets His Bard On, Jonathan Groff Can Make Anything Sexy & More Lessons of the Week

T.G.I.F., theater fans! Another week on Broadway has come and gone, and we’ve laughed, cried and peed on a rug (well, actually that was Rory O’Malley). From Bette Midler’s Glee casting choices to the quiche preferences of 5 Lesbians, we’ve learned a ton of important lessons this week. Check them out below!

The Play's the Thing for Johnny Depp 
Movie star, screenwriter, director, producer, musician and exasperating Broadway holdout Johnny Depp has announced his newest project—no, sorry, it’s not a musical version of Pirates of the Caribbean (although that would be awesome). It’s a new TV series based on the plays of William Shakespeare. But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is Johnny Depp, looking devastatingly handsome in tights. OK, he’s only announced he’ll be producing the new show, but if there’s even a slight chance of seeing cute boys in tights, it’s already got potential.

Darren Criss Can Be Our Gay Husband Any Day
It’s been nine excruciating months since Darren Criss took his final bow in How to Succeed, so when he took the stage at the Outfest Legacy Awards, we were super excited. Instead of his old J. Pierrepont standbys “I Believe in You” or “Brotherhood of Man,” Criss showed his support for marriage equality by crooning ingenue Rosemary’s ballad “Happy to Keep His Dinner Warm” with a gay twist. Frankly, Darren, if you were our husband, we wouldn’t care if the dinner was piping hot, ice cold or burnt to a crisp. You’ll be serving us shirtless, right?

It’s Barbra’s Turn!
Over the years, uber diva Barbra Streisand has tackled some of Broadway’s most iconic songs in her legendary concerts (plus, songs from Yentl). After rumors swirled that she’ll be starring as Rose in the film adaptation of Gypsy, we were beyond thrilled to hear Babs’ renditions of “Some People” and “Rose’s Turn” at her new Back to Brooklyn concert. Barbra fans, the wait is over! Ya either got it, or ya ain’t, and boys, she’s got it.

Sierra Boggess Can't Resist a Man in a Mask
After starring as wide-eyed Christine in The Phantom of the Opera in Vegas and the West End (and as a slightly more jaded Christine in Love Never Dies), Sierra Boggess is heading to Broadway in—you guessed it—Phantom. In honor of the musical's 25th anniversary, Boggess will go down once more to the dungeon of Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber's black despair. It sounds terrifying, but trust us, it's awesome.

Lesbians Love (Vegetarian) Quiche
If the new off-Broadway show 5 Lesbians Eating a Quiche has taught us anything, it’s that lesbians love egg-based breakfast dishes. But there’s one kind of quiche they’re not so into. When asked whether any of the ladies prefer meat in their quiche, cast member Rachel Farmer responded with a deadpan, “I don’t think so.” In fact, she seemed disgusted by the idea! Guess y'all won't be ordering a side of sausage with that quiche.

The Cast of Bring It On Boos Each Other
We thought the peppy cast of Bring It On always seemed so fresh-faced and sweet, but backstage, they’re a bunch of two-faced jerks. In Taylor Louderman’s My Space video, we discovered that her fellow castmates actually boo her! How dare they? Taylor, we thought your performance was wonderful. Don’t listen to those morons. Wait, by “booing,” they mean decking out your dressing room in Halloween decorations and leaving lots of candy treats? Why didn’t you say so? Will you guys come boo our office? Please?

If Rory O’Malley Smelt It, Josh Gad Dealt It
The Book of Mormon star Rory O’Malley had a barbecue date (the most delicious kind of date!) with Side By Side host Susan Blackwell. While waiting for their steaks to catch fire, they chatted about O’Malley’s former Mormon co-star (and college roommate) Josh Gad—namely, how many of Gad’s farts he’s smelled. “It’s disgusting,” O’Malley revealed. On the other hand, O’Malley once got drunk, “fell asleep on top of [Gad] and pissed on his carpet.” Ew! Who knew Mormons could be so gross?

Anne Hathaway Has Dental Drama
We can't stop thinking about the forthcoming Les Miz movie, so we're obviously psyched that Universal Pictures leaked a copy of the film’s script. Everything looks pretty damn amazing, but we found one detail disturbing: Instead of just selling her hair (like in the stage musical), Fantine, played by Anne Hathaway, will harken back to the original Victor Hugo novel and sell her teeth, too. No, not all her teeth: Anne still has to enunciate during "I Dreamed a Dream" and in a few months, give a coherent Oscar speech.

Bette Midler Is a Glee Casting Genius
This week, Glee creator Ryan Murphy approached the fabulous Bette Midler to ask if she would guest star on his hit series. Yes! We’re thrilled she accepted the invitation and tweeted at Murphy, “I have one vote for Rachel’s grandmother.” Can we add to that vote tally? Midler as Lea Michele's Nana? We're dying! Hey, Bette, wanna help us dream cast a musical version of Hocus Pocus? (Stay tuned for our picks on October 20!)

Only Jonathan Groff Can Make Weird Al Songs Sexy
At his sold-out solo show in Indianapolis, Glee and Broadway heartthrob Jonathan Groff channeled his inner Weird Al this week. We had no idea the Spring Awakening Tony nominee even had an inner Weird Al, but whatever. Decked out in a long black coat and wide-brimmed Amish hat, Groff wowed us with a spot-on rendition of the classic ‘90s spoof “Amish Paradise.” We’ve never crushed on an Amish guy before, but there’s a first time for everything. Let’s party like it’s 1699!