Bernadette Peters Is the Boss, Jake Gyllenhaal Puts Us in Agony & More Lessons of the Week

The curtain is coming down on another week on Broadway. Before we all head for the beach, let's give some cheers to our most educational headlines: This week we got inside scoop about Bernadette Peters' hypnotic power, why Nathan Lane should be throne shopping and how Jake Gyllenhaal broke our hearts. Read on to find out why we're give this week a standing ovation.

The Emmys Have a Crush on Broadway
A slew of theater actors were nominated for 2013 Emmy Awards this year, including two nominations each for The Nance's Nathan Lane and Bobby Cannavale. In addition to the dozens of stage vets who were nominated for TV's biggest prize, playwrights Tom Stoppard and David Mamet also received nods. We get it, Emmys, you totally want to be us. Listen, you can nominate our stars and hire our Tony host, but anything you can do, we can do eight times a week. #andbetter

It's Impossible to Say No to Bernadette Peters
We already knew that Bernadette Peters, she of the curls, va-va-voom figure and knockout voice, was a diva-tastic Broadway icon, but she's got her fellow stage stars on short leashes! When it comes to her star-studded dog and cat adoption event Broadway Barks, you won't find one theater favorite who has turned her down. Buyer & Cellar's Michael Urie, Newsies' Corey Cott, the cast of Motown and more all admitted to not being able to say "no" to the three-time Tony winner. Bernadette, we were thinking of asking our bosses for raises, d'ya mind tagging along? Pretty please?

Rory O'Malley Redneckognizes His Bad TV Taste
Nobody Loves You star Rory O'Malley confessed to us that he's hooked on TLC's top-rated reality show depicting the trials and triumphs of pint-sized pageant queen Alana Thompson and her eccentric Georgia family, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. "I watch it more than I’d like to admit," said the actor, who received a Tony nom for The Book of Mormon. Don't worry, Rory, there's a cure for that. After seeing Honey Boo Boo's revolting "Watch 'N' Sniff" event, we decided to, "Turn it off, like a light switch. Just go click!" Try it. It works.

Uza Aduba Makes Crazy Eyes at Prison Ladies
We're big fans of Godspell alum Uza Aduba's hilarious and heartbreaking turn on the new Netflix series Orange is the New Black and you should be, too. From Weeds creator Jenji Kohan, OitNB is about Piper, a pampered Brooklynite who is sent to a women's federal prison for running drug money, and Aduba plays "Crazy Eyes," the inmate who wants to be Piper's prison wife. Whether she's reciting poetry, peeing on the floor or threatening the other inmates, Aduba steals every scene she's in. Maybe that's why she landed in jail! #lamejoke

Nathan Lane is Annointed Broadway Royalty...Again
As the regal parents of the eponymous prince in Broadway's Pippin, real-life husband-and-wife duo Terrence Mann and Charlotte d’Amboise certainly know what it takes to ascend the throne of the Great White Way. When asked who should be named the king of Broadway, Mann and d'Amboise said two-time Tony winner Nathan Lane deserves to wear the mighty crown. "He does it all! He's been around and he's going to be around and he'll never stop," said d'Amboise. Nathan is obvi the perfect choice for our King, but what about a Queen? Terry and Charlotte, just a head's up: Bernadette's ears are probably ringing right now.

Brynn O'Malley Imagines She is John Lennon
In the most recent, not-to-be-missed episode of Simply Red, Brynn O'Malley told Annie title star Lilla Crawford that she was born a couple of hours after John Lennon was shot and killed in December 1980, so her mother "prayed to the soul" of the legendary Beatles frontman to reincarnate himself in the body of her new baby girl. "She told me at a very young age that I was, in fact, John Lennon reincarnated, and I believed that for the first several years of my life," said O'Malley. Brynn, you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

Clint Eastwood Goes Ahead, Makes Broadway's Day
Now that we've accepted Clint Eastwood, the macho-est (is that a word?) of macho movie stars, as a fellow out-and-proud fan of musical theater, we're thrilled that he's casting his film version of Jersey Boys just like we would! Eastwood has reportedly handpicked Tony winner John Lloyd Young to reprise his role as The Four Seasons' famous falsetto-singing frontman Frankie Valli and we couldn't be more excited. Let's just hope that the Oscar-winning director doesn't add any tumbleweeds, saloon brawls or pistol duels in the desert to this story about a couple of New Jersey kids who follow their dreams.

Katie Rose Clarke Gets Roughed Up Backstage
In the latest episode of Fly Girl, Wicked stars Lindsay Mendez and Katie Rose Clarke took some time to answer fans' questions, and one Wicked-head wanted to know how often the stars rehearse the cat fight scene between Elphaba and Glinda. Clarke deflected to Mendez who jokingly admitted: "We rehearse the cat fight scene every night because I slap Katie all the time in this dressing room." Clarke said Mendez's tale of nightly backstage abuse was "so not true," but we're keeping an eye on our favorite girl in green. Come on, Lindsay, don't you remember what the first rule of fight club is?   

Kelli O'Hara is Jennifer Westfeldt's Black Swan
The Explorers Club star Jennifer Westfeldt conquered New York almost 10 years ago when she earned a Tony nomination for her role as Eileen Sherwood in the Tony-nominated revival of Wonderful Town, but she hasn't done another Broadway musical since. So, who's fault is this? Dun dun duuuuun...Kelli O'Hara! On Show People, Westfeldt admitted that she has a "dream list" of musical roles she'd love to play, but says the four-time Tony nominee is already attached to most of them. Hey hey, no fighting, ladies. There are plenty of great musical roles for everybody. Take a hint from Emily and Alice!

Jake Gyllenhaal Deprives Us of His Singing Voice
Cue the sound of hearts shattering: Hollywood hunk Jake Gyllenhaal has turned down the chance to be a prince in the upcoming big screen adaptation of Into the Woods. The Oscar nominee was in talks with Disney to star as either Rapunzel or Cinderella's beau in Rob Marshall’s film version of the Broadway musical, but he decided to drop out due to scheduling conflicts. We've begun the healing process over this devastating news by suggesting a few royal replacements, but that doesn't mean we've forgiven Jake for being such a crown tease. Now we know how Taylor Swift felt.