Katie Holmes Needs Ambien, Alicia Silverstone Pushes Sex Toys and More Lessons of the Week

Sure, there was some sort of national election and a Nor'easter, but let's get to the more important stuff and look at the 10 lessons learned this week on Broadway. From Anne Hathaway to Kylie Minogue, the stars had a lot to teach us in the last seven days.

Alicia Silverstone Goes Green While Getting Off
Who knew a sex toy could be eco-friendly? Apparently, raging vegan Alicia Silverstone of The Performers knows all about the kind of pleasure Whole Foods might sell—and we're not talking locavore cucumbers. The star hawks an organic vibrator called The Leaf when she's not rehearsing the new porn comedy or bird-feeding Bear, her one-and-a-half-year-old son. A smaller, gentler, greener vibrator? Christmas is coming! (Hint, hint.)

Ethan Hawke Waits 20 Years for a Date
So call me, maybe! Why anyone would need two decades to think about going on a date with the foxy Ethan Hawke is beyond us, but, thankfully, Ivanov director Austin Pendleton finally took the plunge. Hawke and Pendleton met in 1993 when they worked together on Sophistry. Since then, Hawke’s been sitting by the phone waiting for Pendleton to give him a buzz and direct him in something. “It felt like a date I’ve been waiting 20 years to have,” said Hawke. Aww.

Anne Hathaway Makes Jason Sudeikis Get Deep
Les Miserables film star Anne Hathaway is hosting SNL (for the third time!) on November 10, and the Oscar nominee challenged cast member Jason Sudeikis to an "ontological" duel in the TV promos for her big night. So, what did we learn from their complex intellectual debate? Oh, wait, we forgot. Sorry, we were too distracted by Hathaway’s campaign video for Sexiest Hair 2012. Damn, the former Lancôme spokesmodel sure knows how to vogue!

Gay Italian Bridezillas Have a Different Kind of Checklist
Every bride-to-be has a dream wedding. The dress! The ring! The flowers! The cake! But the nuptials in My Big Gay Italian Wedding include a fabulously different set of must-haves, including "drag queens, big hair, lots and lots of feathers and booty-shaking!" You think you’ve seen a difficult bride before? Ha! You haven’t seen anything until you’ve met a gay South Brooklyn boy with an overbearing mother on his wedding day.

Rob McClure’s Chaplin Moustache Creeps Him Out
Chaplin star Rob McClure had a lot of work to do to get into character as the iconic Tramp. But it wasn’t the tightrope, violin or rollerskating lessons, the costume harness, the iconic hat and cane, or the silent star’s signature gait that made McClure really feel like Chaplin. It was the moment he pasted on the moustache. "It was creepy," he said about the immediate resemblance he had to the legendary actor. Moustaches: creepy and magical. We knew it! 

What Keeps Katie Holmes Up At Night Is Not What You Think
What does Katie Holmes worry about at 3am? Scientology zombies? Paparazzi under the bed? Um, taking the subway? Nope. “I have a hard time sleeping because I think about how serious this all is," Holmes said about the responsibility of putting on a good show. So if the Dead Accounts star appears exhausted with bags under her eyes on the stage of the Music Box Theatre, just know: It’s. All. Your. Fault. Way to go, America.

Kylie Minogue Puts the Ridiculous Back In Movie Musicals
If you thought Les Miserables was going to revolutionize the movie musical with its gravitas and lack of lip-syncing, think again! Kylie Minogue is going to make Mamma Mia! look like Macbeth with her upcoming '80s jukebox musical Walking on Sunshine. The 3D movie extravaganza will no doubt feature Minogue with big hair in tight, ripped-leather clothing, gyrating on a cool car surrounded by fog...and all will be well with the world.

Jeremy Kushnier Is the As-Seen-On-TV Messiah
Jersey Boys star Jeremy Kushnier gave us a tour of his dressing room, and one sacred item caught our eye. As legend has it, Jesus Christ bestowed a Broadway Shake Weight upon Kushnier when he joined the cast of Jersey Boys, and now he’s been ordained to pass along the holy modified dumbell to the blessed cast of Scandalous. The Lord does work in mysterious ways. Amen!

Annie Songwriters Are Garbage Pickers
Tony-winning duo Martin Charnin and Charles Strouse almost lost their first draft of the delicious song "Easy Street" during Annie's original tryout. They scrounged through garbage cans, stopped a sanitation truck and turned bathrooms upside down looking for their notes. Good thing they found it; otherwise, the drunk, the floozy and the convict would have nothing to shimmy to.

It’s Your Own Fault If You Have a Boring New Year’s Eve
New Year’s Eve is always a nerve-rattling night, but this year we can finally meet sky-high expectations by skipping the ball drop and hanging out with a Broadway diva! Patti LuPone is hosting a New Year’s Eve party at 54 Below, so pop the cork and brush up on your Gypsy lyrics. You can still hang out with a hunk at the Kennedy Center or a witch in Los Angeles if you want to, but can you really say no to Patti?! Didn't think so.