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Neil Patrick Harris Raps! Read the Full Closing Tony Tongue-Twister by Lin-Manuel Miranda

Neil Patrick Harris Raps! Read the Full Closing Tony Tongue-Twister by Lin-Manuel Miranda
Neil Patrick Harris - Photo by John P. Filo/CBS/Landov
Lin-Manuel Miranda works his rhyming magic for Neil Patrick Harris.

Just when everyone thought the 2011 Tony Awards were done (on time!), host Neil Patrick Harris presented viewers with a lovely going-away gift: a lengthy rap re-capping the show's highlights, from Nikki James' bumblebee speech to Larry Kramer's emotional win for The Normal Heart. As Harris was delivering the rap, the end credits revealed that Tony winner Lin-Manuel Miranda authored the bit. Why aren't we surprised? If you missed the bit, here's a transcript:

Tomorrow, if anyone asks you what happened at the Tonys, you can say this: We straightened things out in the opening number, Ellen Barkin and John Benjamin Hickey took home awards for their hilarious performances in The Normal Heart. Daniel Radcliffe kicked some butt, and we were so elated. Even Voldemort was sad he wasn’t nominated. Norbert Leo Butz sang and danced and tried to catch ya, comin’ atcha. Chasing Trey and Casey ‘cause they nabbed a Tony statue. Commencing in the Chattanooga station from the grand imagination of the Kander-Ebb collaboration. It takes a lot for a recipient to humble me but everybody cried for gorgeous Nikki James, the bumblebee. Andrew Rannells sang “I Believe” and he landed it so well now he’s Mitt Romney’s V.P. candidate. All across the country, from the north and to the south they’re saying Brooke’s a hottie with a crazy potty mouth. John Larroquette brought an eloquent mood to the room I’m still imagining him at home in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. Spider-Man and Mary Jane gave us perspective here. They sang a ballad, we didn’t need protective gear. Patina Miller’s nun sang “Raise Your Voice” with cheer and Memphis is relentless, they’re performing every year. The Normal Heart won, Larry Kramer made us weep and War Horse dazzled us with a theatrical sweep. Sutton Foster never lost her knack for talking smack and tapping a full-on assault attack. I’m awesome, Hugh Jackman, take that. Go ahead and roll the credits if you need to. I’m out of control, I’m on a roll, this is my Tonys speed-through. Anything Goes took the best revival prize in stride. We didn’t see it, we were singing “Side By Side By Side.” McDormand loves her job, Sutton Foster won again. Paul Shaffer sang and suddenly it started raining men. Mark Rylance runs at fences, he’s won the Tony twice. That guy can do it all, his follow-up is Fanny Brice. Norbert Butz and Mormon swept the floor. Won even more awards than War Horse. Par for the course, Someone get a car for the horse. And in the final analysis, what survives tonight? Theater, because it’s what we live, we’re changing some lives tonight. And theater thrives because we live to give it, so to speak. This ain’t reality TV, this is eight shows a week. Every chorus member that you saw tonight tappin’ had to make miracles happen for a chance to see you clappin’ and applauding in the audience. What’s next? Who knows? Anything goes. Now go see a ____________ Broadway show. Thank you, good night.

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