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Neil Patrick Harris Wants a Buff Butt, Patti LuPone Rides the ‘G’ Train & More Lessons of the Week

Neil Patrick Harris Wants a Buff Butt, Patti LuPone Rides the ‘G’ Train & More Lessons of the Week
Bebe Neuwirth's Fosse spasms, Cherry Jones' rebellious attitude and really depressing kazoos top this week's lessons.

This week on the Great White Way has been a whirlwind of opening nights, parties and casting news—but before it comes to an end, let’s take a trip down memory lane! From a retired taxidermy collector to an off-Broadway playwright who stalks her stars, we’ve chatted with a lot of uh, interesting Broadway characters this week. Read on to find out what they’ve taught us!

NPH Is Probably Doing a Butt Workout Right Now
Now that Neil Patrick Harris’ Emmy-hosting duties are over, he can finally focus on more important things: his legs, back and butt. The star will don a wig and super skimpy outfits in his dragalicious turn in Hedwig and the Angry Inch next spring, so Harris is starting a new slim-down routine that he hopes will make him look “like Cyd Charisse," he told Vanity Fair. Neil, we think you look great already. But just out of curiosity, what gym do you go to? You know, uh, for fact-checking purposes?

Arthur Darvill Doesn't Want Any More Dead Animals
Sure, it’s nice to be showered with gifts at the Once stage door, but headliner Arthur Darvill has one request: Stop it with the dead squirrels. The Dr. Who hunk, who is admittedly a big taxidermy fan, has had his fill of furry friends—unless you can wrangle up “a giant grizzly bear in a hugging position.” Laura Osnes bursts into tears when a fan brings her a Schmackary’s cookie, but we’d have to kill, stuff and hand-deliver a 4,000-pound bear to prove our devotion to Darvill? Fine, we'll take our squirrel carcasses where they're appreciated.

Krysta Rodriguez Has a Thing For Non-Douchey Nerds
In her First Date Flirts video tell-all, Krysta Rodriguez shares three ideal qualities she looks for in a man: 1. Nerdy. 2. Not a douche. 3. Steve Carell-esque. Apparently, Rodriguez spends her subway commute fighting off creepy “douches” intrigued by her fake First Date wrist tattoo. Poor Krysta, guess you’ll have to wear long-sleeved shirts to scare away losers and attract... Wait a second, did you say Steve Carell? You’re sharing a bathroom with the most adorable non-douchey nerd on Broadway and you choose Steve Carell?!

To See Broadway Stars in Fishnets, Go to Bucks County
Amtrak better make stops in Pennsylvania, because we’re planning a field trip to the Bucks County Playhouse to see Nick Adams, Jeremy Kushnier, Lauren Molina, Jennifer Cody and Nick Cearley prance around in their underwear in The Rocky Horror Show this Halloween. Director Hunter Foster still hasn’t announced who will replace Will Swenson as the corset-clad Dr. Frank-N-Furter, but we hear there’s someone with just the legs, back and butt for the job. Fly east, NPH, and suit up!

Bebe Neuwirth Gets Fosse Attacks
We’ve heard of Broadway dancers getting shin splints, tendonitis and meniscus tears, but at the 7,000th performance of Chicago, Bebe Neuwirth informed us of a very serious issue facing professional dancers—involuntary Fosse twitches. When asked if she ever finds herself busting out Fosse moves in her everyday life, the Tony winner wiggled her shoulders wildly and said, “Sometimes I find myself in ballet class doing this to the music.” Note to self: Never, never, never operate heavy machinery with Bebe Neuwirth.

Glass Menagerie Shenanigans? Blame Cherry Jones
Cherry Jones may seem cool and composed, but this week, her Glass Menagerie daughter Celia Keenan-Bolger revealed that the two-time Tony winning is a real troublemaker. During the show’s snowy pre-Broadway run in Boston, the whole cast “sledded down the Harvard library steps on lunch trays,” and Jones, always the instigator, was “the first one to go down.” Thanks for the tip, Celia. If one of the giraffes in Laura's menagerie goes missing, we'll know who’s responsible. (And it's not Arthur Darvill.)

Amanda Peet Is a Star Stalker
Amanda Peet’s new play The Commons of Pensacola is hitting the off-Broadway stage with a cast that's so starry, we’re practically blind. But celeb headliner Sarah Jessica Parker didn’t sign on because she loved the material—she’s actually just terrified of Amanda Peet. “I was fairly consistent in stalking Sarah Jessica Parker for this role,” Peet confessed. “Eventually she relented, probably because she was afraid.” Um, Amanda, we love SJP, too, but can’t you just take the Sex and the City bus tour and eat Magnolia cupcakes like the rest of us?

Sometimes Kazoos Make Us Cry
It’s always hard to say goodbye to a video blogger, but this week was especially rough. In the final episode of Kiss & Tell, Krysta Rodriguez and the entire cast of First Date crammed into one dressing room to sing a silly, gorgeous and totally touching rendition of “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing, complete with a mid-song kazoo break. It’s basically the cuteness quotient of an adorable puppy, two otters holding hands and a baby laughing all at the same time. Awww, you guys! Readers Are the Best Dream Casters
When Glenn Close gave the scoop that she’ll be “returning to Broadway in the near future,” we dreamed of a 20th anniversary revival of Sunset Boulevard and a musical adaptation of Mars Attacks! But you, amazing readers, had an even better idea: Close should play boozy diva Helen Sinclair in the Broadway musical adaptation of Woody Allen's Bullets Over Broadway. Your taste is superb and your eyes are exquisite, dear readers! What would we ever do without you? No, no, don’t speak. Don’t speak.

Patti LuPone Is Moving to Williamsburg
A Broadway icon is throwing on her skinny jeans and wolf T-shirt and heading to Hipsterville—or at least that’s what we assumed when we found out that Patti LuPone will guest star on a forthcoming episode of HBO’s Brooklyn-set Girls. We’re not sure who Patti will play in the hit series, but we hope she’ll be introduced as Hannah’s outspoken older bestie with a penchant for plaid scarves. OK, she’ll probably play Marnie’s voice teacher, but how much would you pay to see La LuPone chugging a microbrew in a maroon ski hat and complaining about men? $80 million? Yeah, us too.

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