Dear Joseph Gordon-Levitt,
For the last four years, you’ve been leading impromptu sing-alongs, rocking out to R. Kelly songs, doing handstands with Daniel Radcliffe and strutting your stuff at the bank, and we’re angry. Very angry. Why, JGL, aren’t you unleashing all of this amazing untapped talent on Broadway?
We’d settle for a musical on the big screen (or even Carrie Underwood-style), but after the rumors of a Little Shop of Horrors reboot got debunked, and we never heard a follow-up about that awesome-sounding Guys & Dolls remake, we started to get impatient.
Maybe you’re afraid. Even Broadway big shots like Bette Midler get nervous about headlining a musical. But we’re nice, we promise. We’ll let you play Nathan Detroit or Seymour Krelborn or Cosmo Brown or, hell, ANYONE. Surprise us. We don’t bite (well, Audrey II does, but still).
If you need any more convincing, check out the five pieces of evidence below—and make your Broadway debut as soon as possible!
The Broadway.com Editorial Team
Exhibit A: This Thanksgiving you turned out in a suit and skinny tie, slicked your hair back and got jazzy with Lady Gaga for our new favorite rendition of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” Hey JGL, you know who you remind us of? A young Frank Sinatra—the dude who starred in the original movie version of Guys & Dolls as “good old reliable Nathan.” Can’t say the same for you, you tease.
Exhibit B: On a little show called Saturday Night Live in 2009, you performed “Make ‘Em Laugh” from Singin’ in the Rain live, with nearly all of the original choreography. Including wall flips. Two of them. Broadway legend Donald O’Connor was supposedly in bed for a week after performing that song in the 1952 film.
Exhibit C: There are two things we at Broadway.com really appreciate in a leading man: a guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously, and a guy who isn’t afraid to take his shirt off. Well, JGL, you passed both tests with flying colors (and flying pants) in your 2012 SNL striptease. Magic Mike, the Musical is going to be a thing, you know.
Exhibit D: Here's what makes this whole discussion even more painful, JGL: You and your pal and 500 Days of Summer co-star Zooey Deschanel (another Broadway tease) aren’t headlining a bubbly musical comedy together on the Great White Way. Playing ukuleles. Wanna know what we'll we be doing “On New Year’s Eve?” Crying over all the wasted talent.
Exhibit E: Ahh, the song where it all began. The exact moment we discovered, “Hey, that kid from Third Rock From the Sun is actually kind of awesome.” Here's what would make our dreams come true, JGL. YOU. STARRING ON BROADWAY. How many times do we have to say it? Besides, all the cool kids are doing it.