Here at Broadway.com, we’ve officially given up on finding real dates for Valentine’s Day. Good riddance! We’d much rather date characters from our favorite musicals—that’s not weird, right? While we painstakingly compiled a list of every beau currently breaking hearts in a Broadway musical, we discovered that, sadly, not all boy toys are created equal. For every hero, there’s a two-timing jerk just waiting to break our hearts. Below, we’ve ranked every Broadway boyfriend from most-to-least dateable for your convenience.
1. Aladdin from Aladdin
This so-called “street rat” is actually the most stand-up guy on the list. He always treats Jasmine like a total princess—even before he knows she’s royalty.
2. Prince Topher from Cinderella
Crowns off to Prince Topher for seeking out a girlfriend who is not only beautiful, gentle and kind, but also (gasp) smart and politically minded!
3. Rocky Balboa from Rocky
The toughest guy of the bunch, Rocky is ready to fight for his true love at any cost. Even a boxing loss is a victorious win when Adrian is by his side.
4. Charlie Price from Kinky Boots
Sure, things were sorta rocky with his materialistic ex-girlfriend Nicola, but you can bet your boots Charlie’s a great catch for love-struck Lauren.
5. Jack Kelly from Newsies
There’s hope he’ll settle down once he gets to Santa Fe, but this outspoken newsboy is too busy leading a strike to give Katherine the committed relationship she deserves.
6. Sky from Mamma Mia!
He’s cute and all, but groom-to-be Sky spends an awful lot of time dancing around in flippers with his buddies. He doesn’t seem to care about Sophie’s paternity crisis either.
7. Simba from The Lion King
When Nala begs Simba to return to the Pridelands and he refuses, this young king doesn’t seem so mighty. He eventually comes to his senses, but dismissing Nala just isn’t cool.
8. Raoul from The Phantom of the Opera
He’s doting and devoted, but let’s face it: the Vicomte de Chagny is a way too whiny and fussy for our taste. Sorry, Raoul, we're totally Team Erik.
9. Marius from Les Miserables
We get it, a soldier can’t let his fellow revolutionaries down just because he’s in love. But he almost dies in battle—Cosette must have been super worried.
10. Drew from Rock of Ages
He’s got a huge crush on Sherrie, but instead of being direct and asking her out, he plays games and buys her wine coolers. Man up, Drew.
11. Robert Kincaid from The Bridges of Madison County
This photographer may be the love of Francesca’s life, but he’s only a four-day fling. For all we know, he could be sleeping with housewives all over the world!
12. Pippin from Pippin
Don’t let his tousled hair and his boyish good looks fool you. Pippin, at his core, only cares about himself. It’s his corner of the sky and you’re just living in it.
13. Fiyero from Wicked
Yeah, he looks cute in white pants. But do you really want a boyfriend who dances through life? Is dancing through life going to pay the electric bill?
14. Cliff Bradshaw from Cabaret
He blows into town, has a fling with a club singer and blows back out again, leaving all of his friends in Nazi Germany. And then he writes about it.
15. Monty Navarro from A Gentleman’s Guide
He’s a murderer! He murders eight people in less than two hours! And when he’s not murdering people, he’s carrying on an affair with two girls at once!
16. Fred Casely from Chicago
Once again, cheater. And what’s worse, Fred Casely has no remorse or, really, any redeeming characteristics whatsoever. Well, he does look good shirtless.