Frankie J. Grande Has a Cardboard Boyfriend, Brynn O’Malley Flunked Math & More Lessons of the Week

Another glittering week on the Great White Way is coming to a close—how are we celebrating? With booze, of course! Oh, and also with the Lessons of the Week, Broadway.com’s roundup of the craziest things that have happened in the last seven days. From Betsey Johnson’s shoe snacks to Frankie J. Grande’s super-flat boyfriend, a lot of weird stuff has happened. Check out what we learned!

Brynn O’Malley Can’t Count
Honeymoon in Vegas star Brynn O’Malley is great at a lot of things: She’s a talented actress, dancer and singer, she's gorgeous and she has great taste in boyfriends. But she’s not so great at counting to eight—turns out she still has one video blog left! (Apparently we can't count either.) Brynn, maybe this will help.

Frankie J. Grande + Justin Bieber = Love
Oh, have you met Rock of Ages star Frankie J. Grande’s boyfriend? He’s super cute, he’s Canadian, he has lots of really neat tattoos and he’s got a couple of platinum records. Oh, he’s also made out of cardboard. It’s flat Justin Bieber! Hey, our boyfriend is this photo of Darren Criss, so we can't judge.

Laura Benanti Can High Kick
The Radio City Christmas Spectacular is absolutely, well, spectacular, but it's missing two things: Talking lions and Laura Benanti. Thankfully, The Radio City Spring Spectacular has both. We've got our fingers crossed that Benanti teaches the Rockettes how to side-eye.

Betsey Johnson Snacks on Shoes
When fashion designer Betsey Johnson saw a performance of Kinky Boots this week, she skipped the $14 concession stand M&M's and chewed the heels off of some of the musical’s prop boots instead. Bad Betsey! We’d expect this behavior from Toby the Rat, but not you!

Chester See Was a Broadway Reporter
Back in the day, Rock of Ages star Chester See went backstage at Mary Poppins and did a great job interviewing Ashley Brown and the cast on the Disney Channel’s Disney365. Hey Chester, if you ever get tired of being a Broadway star and YouTube sensation, you’ve got our number. (Hint: It's 1-800-BROADWAY.)

Lilla Crawford Was a Tiny Stalker
We’ve watched Into the Woods' Lilla Crawford grow up into a poised Hollywood star before our eyes—but when she was five, she insists she wasn’t so smooth. Apparently she spent a lot of time staring at a cardboard cutout of Johnny Depp and being kind of a stalker (her words). Whoa, you and cardboard Johnny have to double-date with Frankie J. Grande and cardboard Justin Bieber!

Hookers Are Coming to B’way (Again)
If there’s one thing we love, it’s hookers. The Life, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Irma La Douce...they’re as much a part of the Broadway landscape as green witches and drag queens. So we’re thrilled to hear a Pretty Woman musical will be walking down the street in the next year! We’ve got our platinum blonde bob wigs ready.

Laura Osnes Doesn’t Want X-Mas Cards
Scratch Broadway sweetheart Laura Osnes off of your Christmas card list immediately. She doesn’t want any of those old-fashioned pieces of paper! Osnes made this message loud in clear in her rendition of “Text Me Merry Christmas” on The Today Show. Please reroute all cards (with peanut butter cups inside) to Broadway.com, 729 7th Ave. New York, NY 10019.

Daisy & Violet Will Leave You, Actually
Sad news, guys: The revamped revival of Side Show has announced it will conclude its Broadway run on January 4, 2015—the exact same day the original mounting closed in 1998. Daisy and Violet just can’t catch a break! If you need us, we’ll be playing “Goodbye to the Freak Show” on a loop and sobbing.

A Buble Is Better Than a Grammy
Well, If/Then star Idina Menzel didn’t get a Grammy nod for Best Vocal Performance for the song of the year century, “Let It Go.” Fine. But she does get to be warm and cozy with Michael Buble this holiday season, and isn’t that what really matters? (Yes. The answer is yes.)