Anne Hathaway Won’t Put Out, Ari Graynor Is a Proper Lady and More Lessons of the Week

Another week has come and gone on Broadway! So what did we learn? Let's enlighten ourselves with these very important lessons we learned from the past seven days on the Great White Way.

Anne Hathaway Is a Big Tease
Even before she got the world’s saddest haircut in Les Miserables, we wanted Anne Hathaway on Broadway! Now that she’s set to perform a concert of Cabaret songs at Joe’s Pub, it’s official: Anne is flat out teasing us. We all know she’s going to do Broadway eventually, but come on, Anne! What’s taking so long? You would totally be perfect for Chicago. You’ve already got the Velma haircut, and that’s half the battle right there.

Westchester Is Not in New York City
Each time we meet one of the orphans from Annie, we fall further into a deep obsession over these pint-sized divas. For example, we can’t get enough of eight-and-a-half-year-old Emily Rosenfeld, who plays Molly. “Since I’m very tiny, you see, I can play a six year old,” she clarified before informing us that she was from Westchester, which “is in New York. It’s not in New York City, but it’s like, in Westchester.” Aaaaahhh! The level of adorableness for this little girl is off the charts. Not on the charts, but like, off them.

The Book of Mormon Is Grade School Material
The Book of Mormon creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone know that their show will someday reach a milestone that can make make or break a musical: the school production. “I think it’ll actually look exactly the same,” said Parker of the inevitable amateur versions of Mormon. “It’ll probably be our kids doing it.” A cast of fourth graders singing about f**k frogs? Move over, Les Miz, Jr.!

Cameron Mackintosh Wants to Remake Everything
Listen up, Sir Cameron! We’re excited for the Les Miz movie and a possible Miss Saigon movie, but not every one of your past shows should get the Hollywood treatment. (No one’s exactly clamoring for a Five Guys Named Moe movie). “I am in that glorious position where I can redesign and repackage my own work,” Mackintosh recently said in an interview. That’s all fine and good, Sir, as long you make smart choices—or at least fun ones. How about a redonkulous movie version of Cats with Nicole Kidman as Grizabella and James Earl Jones as Old Deuteronomy? 

Oooh, Carrie Coon’s Drunk Cousin Is Gonna Be Maaaad
While prepping to play mousy wife Honey in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Carrie Coon spent time with an intoxicated family member for inspiration. “I had this great cousin who’d get broken up with every Christmas and she’d always be crying and upset,” said Coon. “I once spent some time with her while she was really drunk, and I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, this is gonna get me a job.’” Yay! It worked! Oddly enough, that’s exactly what Katie Finneran did before Promises, Promises and Annie. (Has she ever played someone sober!?)

Sarah Jessica Parker Still Loves Fashion
We love any excuse to dig up old photos of Sarah Jessica Parker in her Annie garb, especially when there's singing involved. This week , SJP revisited the Annie orphanage (so to speak) on Glee, where she played a Vogue editor who sang “You’re Never Fully Dressed (Without A Smile)." Wait! She’s playing a fashionista and singing Annie?! Those are two things she’s totally never done before in her career! Sarcasm aside, we can't wait for her newest musical-comedy endeavor, Sandy and the City.

Wesley Taylor and Krysta Rodriguez Have Sitcom Doppelgangers
New Smash co-stars (and Addams Family besties) Wesley Taylor and Krysta Rodriguez divulged that each thinks the other has a sitcom-related celebrity counterpart. Wesley thinks Krysta looks like "Courteney Cox during the Friends years," while she thinks he resembles Modern Family's Ty Burrell, with "the dashing good looks of Orlando Bloom." We can sort of see the resemblance—and for the sake of their friendship, we're just glad that neither one of them said Alf.

Princess Diana Set Douglas Hodge’s Repulsive Nose in Motion
Cyrano de Bergerac's Douglas Hodge found his character's legendary nose in the most unexpected of places: on the set of a movie about Princess Di. While filming Diana, Hodge "pulled aside the guy who was making the nose for Naomi Watts and said, 'I'm about to do Cyrano.'" The rest of the schnoz saga unfolded in America, after the prosthetics made an uneasy trip through U.S. customs. Good luck explaining those things to the feds, Dougie! I wouldn’t bet on any TSA worker recognizing spirit gum.

30 Rock Guest Stars Get Major Perks
Before Once came along, Cristin Milioti was best known for a one-time guest spot on 30 Rock (as a sex-pot writer), a job that apparently came with quite a few added benefits. Among Milioti's favorites? Jumping on a trampoline alongside a very enthusiastic Alec Baldwin and having some quality conversation with Tina Fey over a bag of pretzels. Who would ever want to leave? The only perk at Once is getting to romance the swoonworthy Steve Kazee every night. Yawn!

Ari Graynor Is Apparently Demure Now
When we chatted with Ari Graynor at a recent event forThe Performers, we had to ask that age-old question: does size actually matter? "I'm a lady! I can't answer a question like that!" dodged Graynor. Damn! We totally thought that the girl who's played a porn star, erotic phone sex operator and drunk-girl-eating-gum-out-of-a-toilet-bowl would answer our humble question about genitalia. Guess we'll have to ask someone less ladylike. Pam Anderson, you're still coming to Broadway, right?