Billy Porter Looks Fierce from the Balcony, Amanda Seyfried Wants to Be Mean & More Lessons of the Week

It’s been a rough few days for many of us, but we can always count on Broadway to lighten the mood, especially when the week has been as jam-packed as this one. Here’s a look at our top lessons of the week, gleaned from everything from Mamma Mia!’s big move to Shalita Grant’s crash course in theater jargon. Read on!

Alec Baldwin Is Too Old for Hot Tin Roofs
When we caught up with Alec Baldwin on opening night of Orphans, the actor was candid about which roles he can feasibly play these days. “I always have to first begin with what am I right for age-wise now. I’m not going to be playing Brick anymore.” That's right, Alec. Too old for Brick, too young for Big Daddy. But imagine when you can bellow, "Mendacity!" from a Broadway stage! We'll be second in line for that one...right behind Shia, of course.

Auto-Correct Bloopers Are Funnier When Read by Pros
In the final episode of season one of The Princess Diary, Cinderella’s Harriet Harris and Peter Bartlett showed off their champion eye-rolling while reciting text messages butchered by the iPhone’s auto-correct feature. Confusing “nipples” with “Chipotle” and “lady bits” with “labrador,” Harris and Bartlett proved that even seasoned thespians aren’t immune to the horrors of auto-correct. Don’t you agree, Sanction Fontina and Loud Onsets?

Steven Van Zandt Likes to Keep His Songs Separate
If you’re a fan of songs transitioning into other songs, then you won’t like what The Rascals: Once Upon a Dream producer Steven Van Zandt has to say. “No medleys, none of that bullshit!” the producer-director-writer-musician-Springsteen-bandmate-Sopranos-star-lover-of-head-scarves told us. Harsh! We had no idea that medleys were so offensive, Stevie. Good thing you're OK with hyphenates, though!

Don't Stand Too Close to Billy Porter
There are many faces to Kinky Boots star Billy Porter, depending on how far away from him you are. “From a distance I look fierce,” said the Broadway.com vlogger about his dramatic makeup as drag queen Lola in the show, “but from up close, I look like a crazy person.” Oh, Billy. Sure, there's a line between fierce and crazy, but when you're rocking thigh-high leather boots, that fine line looks fine indeed. 

Adam Levine Won't Let the Sunshine In
Remember that time Adam Levine decided to cut Hair alum Sasha Allen from his team on The Voice? The Maroon 5 frontman foolishly gave up his Broadway belter, letting Allen go to rival coach Shakira's team and simultaneously breaking our hearts. Where's the love for Broadway, Adam? Are you still sore that Joseph didn't have any maroon in his Dreamcoat?

Cristin Milioti Confused Her Whores and Goblins
When we asked Tony nominee Cristin Milioti if she was a naughty child, the former Once star admitted that she accidentally called her sixth-grade teacher a whore. “I thought it meant goblin!” she confessed, and we totally get it. We confuse those words all the time, too, especially when we talk about the Kardashians, who are kind of both.

Diana Ross Loves Watching Herself
Opening night of Motown: The Musical was a night to remember for singing legend Diana Ross, who finally got to sit back, relax and watch someone else live her life for a couple of hours. Seeing Valisia LeKae channel her inner Supreme was apparently a joy for the real Miss Ross, who was complimentary to the Broadway star, but still managed to upstage a whole room full of music icons. That's diva with a capital D.

Amanda Seyfried Wants to Be Queen Bee
Former Mamma Mia! and Les Miserables film star Amanda Seyfried has yet another role to add to her wish list. “I desperately want to be Regina,” said Seyfried, referring to her desired role in the forthcoming Mean Girls musical. Wait. What's wrong with reprising Karen, the role you played in the film, Amanda?! Seriously, how many Broadway characters have breasts that can tell when it's going to rain! #ESPNorsomething

Sarah Brightman Will Be an Astronaut of Music
In anticipation of Sarah Brightman’s upcoming trip to outer space, the Phantom of the Opera legend shared her plans to sing and “connect with other performers or musicians on Earth” for what will perhaps be the universe’s first interstellar music performance. Jeez, talk about perspective. The Tony Awards orchestra may down the block from the actual ceremony, but at least it's on the same planet!

A Table That Contains Props Is Called a “Props Table”
During a guided tour at Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike, host Shalita Grant gave us a tutorial in theater lingo. “This is what we in the business call a props table,” Grant informed. “It’s a table that contains the props.” This was after Grant took us backstage, which she explained was at the back of the stage. Thanks for the lesson, Shalita! We had no idea. (P.S. What's a wig room?)