07/23/04
R Family Vacations was started with the goal of creating group travel for gay and lesbian families and almost immediately company founders (and loving moms) Rosie and Kelli O'Donnell brought their own adorable brood out onto the deck to mingle with cruisers and enjoy the spread of hot dogs and hamburgers that the ship's chefs laid out. Everywhere I looked I saw families with two mommies, families with two daddies and hundreds of adorable children of just about every nationality. Clearly, R Family Vacations was onto something.
Later in the evening, I checked out the 1,100-seat Stardust Theatre, which would become the main hub of R Family's stellar entertainment over the next week, a line-up that completely redefined the term “cruise ship entertainer.” Still, passengers would have to wait until Monday for that--Sunday night instead brought us was a little bit of Bombay Dreams, a little bit of Moulin Rouge and a lot of Cirque du Soleil. Still, you can't underestimate the appeal of well-sculpted bodies spinning high in the air, can you? After the show, my little crew closed down karaoke night at Dazzles Lounge with Taboo boys Jeffrey Carlson and Cary Shields.
Monday was a full day at sea, as I worked on my sunburn while the boat made its way down the eastern seaboard. In the Stardust that night, I took in Rosie's Variety Hour hosted by you-know-who. A sort of crash course in the talents that would be entertaining over the next week, the show offered two Taboo players in fine form--Euan Morton delivering a touching take on The Carpenter's “Bless the Beasts and Children” and Liz McCartney soaring on “Talk Amongst Yourselves.” Rounding out the bill was Julia Murney's “All That Jazz," folk rocker Suzanne Buirgy singing her earthy “Simple Things,” former NFL player-turned-out-singer Esera Tuaolo, Seth Rudetsky offering a snippet of his Deconstructing “The Brady Bunch Variety Hour” show and a number from the R Family production of Schoolhouse Rock. But for me the main event was Rosie herself, who opened with a high-kicking “Everything's Coming Up Roses" (with custom lyrics, of course) and proved to be a hilarious hostess, causing many in the crowd to comment that the new, looser and “gayer” Ro was in peak form.
I woke up on Tuesday to find we were docked in Port Canaveral, Florida, where many passengers headed off to nearby attractions like Walt Disney World, Universal Studios and Sea World (where Ro took the family). I instead stayed onboard, turning on the television in my stateroom to find a CNN discussion on gay marriage. “The American family is in jeopardy,” one nasty Republican crowed at a podium, which was my cue to shut off the TV, deciding to remain in the Utopian atmosphere of the cruise rather than in George W. Bush country. Bush-bashing was a hot topic at that night's Comedy Showcase sponsored by Coors, which unveiled its upcoming pro-gay marriage ad campaign to the receptive crowd. On the comedy bill were three funny folks: Poppy Champlain, Bob Smith and Judy Gold, who recalled that after her run in off-Broadway's The Vagina Monologues, a producer told her that she was the “angriest vagina” that they ever had.
Just about everyone on board seemed to pack into the intimate Spinnaker Lounge on Deck 12 for Liz McCartney's 10:30pm cabaret show. Taboo fans may have been surprised to hear McCartney nail the high-reaching operatic reaches of her first number, a highlight from her work as Carlotta in The Phantom of the Opera, a role that she played for two years on Broadway. She spared us “Death Is Such an Odd Thing” from her post-Phantom show, Dance of the Vampires, instead offering honky-tonk selections like “Son of a Preacher Man” and “Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” and Billy Joel's “I've Loved These Days” (currently heard in Broadway's Movin' Out).
Making good use of available friends, McCartney brought Euan Morton onstage for a few numbers, including a rare boy/girl take on “I Know Him So Well” from Chess. Brooke Elliott, the Taboo ensemble player who played Big Sue during McCartney's maternity leave, proved to be a big-voiced asset to the show, teaming up with Liz for “Who Will Love Me As I Am?” from Side Show and playing Judy Garland to McCartney's Barbra Streisand for a recreation of their legendary “Get Happy”/”Happy Days Are Here Again” duet.
McCartney was at her best in the show's more touching moments, including a heartfelt “My Best Girl” from Mame, which she sang to baby daughter Meghan and fiancé Tom Moynahan, who watched from the crowd. In a medley of sea songs (including Peter Allen's “I Could Have Been a Sailor”), McCartney saluted her father, a ship captain, touchingly telling the crowd that she was now able to understand the seduction of sailing for him. At the point that McCartney thought her show was over, Rosie O'Donnell bound on stage begging that she sing “Talk Amongst Yourselves.” (“It's my fucking ship,” she joked. “Sing the song!”) Once the music was found, McCartney complied, leaving not one dry eye in the house.
After breakfast in the Garden Café, we arrived in Key West at about noon on Wednesday. The southernmost city of the United States was a new destination for the Norwegian Dawn, which normally visits Miami instead. The residents of this sleepy haven were clearly thrilled to welcome the R Family Vacations crew, throwing a street fair outside the Butterfly Conservatory and offering up a key to the city to the O'Donnells from Mayor Jimmy Weekley. Rosie then headed over to Luis Sottil Studios on Duval Street, where she sold her own artwork to benefit Rosie's Broadway Kids, her charity program that introduces inner-city kids to musical theater. Fans crammed into the small, hot gallery to have some one-on-one time with the star, causing her to quip later on the ship: “Go ahead and hug me, but do it in the air-conditioning!”
O'Donnell's good friend Christine Ebersole took to the stage of the Stardust that night, dazzling the room with the same classy, sexy show that she debuted at the Café Carlyle last year (which was preserved by Ghostlight Records, a new division of Sh-K-Boom Records, to be released in October). Both Ebersole and piano man Billy Stritch were in fine form, delivering too many standouts to properly mention, although I'm partial to her rendition of songs like “Baby Dream Your Dream” from Sweet Charity, “Surrey With the Fringe on Top” from Oklahoma!, “My Ship” from Lady in the Dark and a slowed-down “Lullaby of Broadway” from 42nd Street, the show that won her a Tony back in 2000.
After the well-deserved standing ovation, I rushed down the hall, where the overstuffed Norwegian Dawn cinema played host to the world premiere of the documentary Taboo: An Ode to Attention Seekers. The film was a surprise addition to the entertainment lineup on the ship and proved to be so popular that two additional screenings were added later in the week. Since director Jennifer LeBeau was enlisted to document the journey of the show when Rosie first fell in love with the U.K. production, she was given carte blanche access and has an impressive amount of one-of-a-kind footage, including beautifully-shot scenes from the actual show at various stages of its life.
Broadway fans will be most interested in witnessing the well-documented walk-off of star Raul Esparza during tech week at the show, but there are plenty of juicy moments: Boy George having to be moved to downtown digs after ruining his room at the Mayflower Hotel, The Goat producer Elizabeth I. McCann reacting to seeing “daughter” Jeffrey Carlson in drag for the first time, ever-promoting Rosie throwing a Taboo t-shirt right into the open door of a moving UPS truck… Oh, and the hilarious backstage quip of Kelli O'Donnell watching her wife being interviewed by Jay Leno on The Tonight Show that had the crowd roaring. There's even a nice clear, steady shot of me interviewing George. Then again, you'd have to recognize the back of my head to catch it! LeBeau tells me the documentary will be available to purchase shortly and is also expected to hit the film festival circuit. I'll keep you guys informed--this is a must-have. Believe me!
Thursday was a day of snorkeling and sunning on Norwegian Cruise Line's private island Grand Stirrup Cay in the Bahamas. Then it was back to the ship for another amazing solo concert, this time by Rosie's former Grease! co-star Billy Porter. I hadn't caught Porter's solo work in several years and was blown away by the presentation of songs he offered, with musical direction by Seth Rudetsky. Opening with a controlled Kander and Ebb's “And the World Goes Round,” Porter took the audience in various directions with his song list, from more obvious choices like a spirited “Let It Sing” from Violet and a high-camp “(And I Am Telling You) I'm Not Going” to selections like Les Miserables' “Bring Him Home” and “Sunday” from Sunday in the Park With George that displayed him as a far more versatile musical theater performer than some may have thought. On that topic, Porter also showed us what his Witch in Into the Woods would have been like (he was in serious contention for the role in the 2001 Broadway revival) by delivering a spine-tingling “Last Midnight.” Wow. Now that would have been amazing!
Seth Rudetsky took to the stage next to show the crowd what he's learned about Florence Henderson's odd singing voice, Maureen McCormick's camera-hogging techniques and the jazzy moves of Ann B. Davis in Deconstructing “The Brady Bunch Variety Hour”. The show was a hoot, with Rudetsky even pulling audience members onstage to basically prove that anyone could dance and sing like a Brady. For the record, Gavin Creel had all the right moves as Greg and Julia Murney was completely impossible as Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Bravo!
I woke up especially early on Friday to see if our arrival in Nassau, Bahamas would really be met with protest, as Rosie and the R Family crew had warned us days earlier. Yup, there they were--about 80 or so churchgoers chanting, wearing “Gay's Ways Are Not God's Ways” t-shirts and waving mostly misspelled signs proclaiming things like, “If you're openly gay, stay away!” and “I don't welcome sissies in the Bahamas.” Rosie stayed away but Kelli and her terrific R Family Vacations partner Gregg Kaminsky hit land to face the protesters, who wouldn't allow anyone from the cruise ship to speak to the assembled crowd. Just when I started to feel like nobody wanted to see us (what a far cry from Key West!), a handful of brave members of The Rainbow Alliance of the Bahamas (an organization with a membership of 155, of which only 10 are openly gay) appeared and stayed out all morning to welcome those aboard who decided to debark. I could tell you more--not one to remain quiet, I got right in the middle of the drama, but it's probably just best to move on. (Perhaps Rosie said it best back on the ship that night: “When I come here by myself and spend $4,000 a night, they're like, ‘Welcome, Miss O'Donnell. Can I kiss your ass on the way in?' This time, I bring 2,000 friends and it's like, ‘You suck!'”)
The non-stop entertainment lineup kept me on my toes that night and erased all memories of the morning's hostilities. First up was the joyful Joy Behar of The View, who filled the Stardust Theatre to capacity twice in one night. Then Cary Shields strummed his acoustic guitar and sang a few covers (including a terrific “What's Going On?”) and a bunch of original songs in the Spinnaker, most detailing different experiences of falling in and out of love. “I'm not even gonna tell you what this one's about,” the charming Shields offered before one of his heartbreakers. “Cause you'll think I'm an ass!” Later, in Gatsby's Piano Bar, three more Taboo stars sang their hearts out, with Bobby Peaco on piano. Rather than point out what Brooke Elliott, Denise Summerford and Jeffrey Carlson (who were also joined by Ric Ryder) did sing, it'd probably be easier to point out what they didn't. In other words, they sang just about everything. And flawlessly, I may add.
As we sailed back towards New York all day on Saturday, our last day at sea, I couldn't help but feel a bit depressed. Thankfully, I had the most star-studded event of the week to look forward to: Seth Rudetsky's Broadway Belters. The very busy, fast-talking musical director turned performer (who also brought his Rhapsody in Seth show to sea) invited a bevy of belters on the cruise and showed them off to full effect at this final sing-off. Let's see. Julia Murney slinking through “The Life of the Party”? Andrea Burns shining on “Love Will Keep Us Together”? Darius De Haas wailing “I Am Changing” from Dreamgirls? Anika Larsen recreating “Ain't Got Time" from Zanna, Don't!? Jealous that you missed it yet? What about Paul Castree and Gavin Creel for a testosterone-fueled “Who Will Love Me As I Am”?
Fans of Dreamgirls also had the fully-staged Act One fight scene to revel in, with highly creative casting (Larsen as Lorell? Castree as C.C. White? Murney as Michelle?!) and Virginia Woodruff (who will appear in The Color Purple) pulling out all the stops for “(And I Am Telling You) I'm Not Going.” Then there was the finale--one of the high points of the entire week. Inspired by the film Longtime Companion, Rudetsky had Castree as Lorell, Creel as Effie and Jose Llana as Deena Jones living out “every gay man's fantasy” by performing the title song with full choreography. It had to be seen to be believed!
Rosie closed out the night by projecting three short slide shows that she created on her computer earlier in the day. Showing photos from the trip--of passengers, performers and her own family--the collective images radiated joy, love and pride, the exact emotions that I felt myself wrapped up in throughout the week. (And I Am Telling You) the maiden voyage of R Family Vacations--with its floating Broadway theater festival--was one of the most goddamn inspiring weeks of my life.
Next year's trip is already on sale. To salute the first state to legalize gay marriage, the R Family crew will sail out of Boston, Massachusetts on July 9 on a Holland America ship with stops set for Martha's Vineyard, Newport, Provincetown, Nova Scotia and Bar Harbor, Maine. For more information, visit the R Family Vacations website or call them at (866) 732-6822. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Will you?