How To Not Sell Out on V-Day
If you've seen The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, then you've witnessed the talents of Logainne Schwartzandgrubenairre, the perky speller with a bit of a lisp, a rousing political agenda and undoubtedly the tightest pair of pigtails on the Great White Way. Sarah Saltzberg plays the dynamic preteen and decided to share Logainne's worldview—and her sage advice on how to have a Valentine's Day that you can believe in. Here are the fifth-grader's thoughts, which she titled: Valentine's Day: Understanding the History of the “Day of Love,” and What it Means in Today's Capitalist Machine by Logainne Schwartzandgrubenairre, a biracial, half-Jewish child with two fathers, who is in the fifth grade* at the Magna Magnate School *but reading at a 12th grade level
Remember that Valentine's Day is for Everyone
Most people think of Valentine's Day as a heterosexual holiday, but what they don't know is that St. Valentine was involved in a relationship with another, lesser known saint, St. Jerry. Like my dads, they shared love, laughs and clothing, which was convenient. Plus, no putting the toilet seat down.
Give the Gift that Keeps on Giving
Valentine's Day has become all about the presents—the candy, the books on tape, even jewelry! I'm not saying I don't like presents, but why not give a gift that can be enjoyed by many? Making a donation to charity makes everyone feel good—if you don't know where to give, I'd appreciate a tax-deductible donation to my own fund: CHAPS Children of Hybrid races Against Pukey Sam Alito. Our goal is to get him to resign as recently confirmed Supreme Court Justice, but we'll settle on making his wife cry again.
It's Romantic to Eat Clean
Wrestling with the ethics of the meat and poultry industry on February 14? Why not make a heart healthy vegan meal for your special Valentine's Day sweetie? Food can be very sensual, especially when you're not eating somebody else's face.