Why Can’t We Be More Like Jessica Chastain? Six Reasons Why The Heiress Star Is the Most Awesome Woman Alive

Since The Heiress opened on Broadway, it's become painfully obvious that Jessica Chastain is the best at everything. While playing Catherine Sloper in the revival of Ruth and Augustus Goetz’s drama, she also headlined two hit movies (Zero Dark Thirty and Mama, ever heard of ‘em?), won a Golden Globe, nabbed SAG and Oscar noms and appeared on approximately 35 million late-night shows. Read on for six reasons why Chastain is (to borrow a line from one of our favorite musicals) "practically perfect in every way"—and we aren't.

1. She's Too Deep to Be Boy Crazy
You’d think she’d have enough practice smooching Downton Abbey hunk Dan Stevens eight times a week in The Heiress, but Chastain told Marie Claire she’s “very shy when it comes to guys.” A self-professed nerd, Chastain confessed she would rather “read Shakespeare” than “make out in the park.” Seriously? Even with Sam Worthington? Damn.

2. Her BFF Is Her Grandma
While most Hollywood it-girls would get a hunky guy to accompany them to the Academy Awards, Chastain chose a way more adorable date in 2012: Her Grandma Marilyn! Chastain’s grammy reportedly “started crying,” when the actress asked her to go. “She’s the one who took me to my first play when I was a kid,” the star told E! Online. “She’s always been so supportive of me.” Note to self: Call Grandma.

3. She Kicks Ass
Even before her hair-raising interrogation scenes in Zero Dark Thirty, Chastain trained to become a cold-blooded assassin. While prepping for The Debt, she studied Krav Maga street fighting and “became a little bit of a monster,” as she admitted to Collider.com. “It’s about killing your opponent as quickly as possible.” With no actual attackers on hand, Jess got creative with a close friend. “I’d be like, ‘Come on, come at me with a knife.’ So she’d have a pencil in her hand and I’d pin her,” Chastain said. Ugh, we haven't even been to the gym since New Year's.

4. She's Sweet to Everyone, Even Chickens
Remember all that fried chicken Chastain chowed down on in The Help? It was all an illusion! A vegan, she requested deep-fried Tofurkey on set instead. Being a vegan is all about “not contributing to cruelty in the world,” Chastain told PETA. “While I am on this planet, I want everyone I meet to know that I am grateful they are here.” She and Broadway alum Woody Harrelson were even voted 2012’s Sexiest Vegetarians of the Year. You win this round, Chastain.

5. Her Dog is Handi-Capable
Chastain rarely leaves home without her adorable three-legged rescue dog Chaplin—he even hangs out backstage at The Heiress! In fact, on February 2, Chaplin missed his owner so much, he wandered on stage during the matinee. “Without missing a beat, Jessica walked offstage, knowing her dog would follow, and just continued the scene,” an audience member told the New York Daily News. Plus, Chastain plays mom to two other cute rescues, Radley and Roman. We'd have to adopt 101 dalmatians to top her! 

6. She’s Not Afraid to Get Dirty
When she wasn't making out with Brad Pitt on the set of Tree of Life, Chastain learned to ride motocross. Yep, the muddy thing with the dirt bikes. Right before the premiere of the Terrence Malick film, Chastain had a mishap. “The bike just fell on me,” she told the L.A. Daily News. “My knee is swollen. It’s like a pumpkin on my leg.” Armed with crutches, Chastain proudly walked the Tree of Life red carpet...in giant heels, no less! “[Motocross] was really fun,” she said of her dangerous hobby. “I’m going to go again!” Of course you are, Jessica, and that's why we love you.

See Jessica Chastain in The Heiress through February 9!