Aaron Tveit Wants to Date You, Sierra Boggess Has a Super Secret Society & More Lessons of the Week

After an exhausting, frustrating and grueling week at work, we think you deserve a treat. No, not peanut butter cups. You really think we're going to give you our peanut butter cups? Yeah right. It's the Lessons of the Week! We're digging up the wildest, craziest and strangest stuff that's happened in the last seven days and arranged them all here for your convenience (and hopefully, your amusement). Ready? Check 'em out below!

Audra McDonald Is the Real Slim Shady
Lady Day star Audra McDonald is so many things: Six-time Tony winner, mom and First Lady of Eggfartopia, just to name a few. But on The Tonight Show, the star revealed her true identity—“slicka slicka Slim Shady.” Well, this is unexpected. Will the real Audra McD please stand up?

Mary Poppins Wants a F*cking Raise
The beloved nanny is practically perfect, but there is one thing she’s lacking—a decent wage. In a hilarious Funny or Die video, Kristen Bell takes a stand and proves she should play Marian in the Music Man telecast in one fell swoop. (Bonus: No sloths were harmed in the making of this video.)

Zach Braff Had a Cats & Les Miz-vah
He always seemed so smooth when he lived in L.A., but now that he’s on Broadway, Zach Braff is embracing his nerdy side. The Bullets Over Broadway star confessed he had a theater-themed bar mitzvah complete with table-dancing Jellicle Cats and Les Miz revolutionaries. That sounds nothing like our last birthday party.

Patti LuPone Wants to Play Bluegrass
Tony winner Patti LuPone is singing a selection of torch songs at her 54 Below concerts, but she admitted to Broadway.com that she really wishes she was doing an evening of bluegrass tunes. Darn it, Patti, if only we knew a bluegrass-obsessed Broadway star who could show you the ropes. Oh well.

Constantine Will NOT Stop Believin’
If you were under the impression that for one second, Constantine Maroulis would stop believin’, you are dead wrong. He absolutely will not. The American Idol alum is reprising the Tony-nominated role of Drew on Broadway, where he’ll be shredding the guitar, wailing and sipping wine coolers once more. Rad.

There’s a Christine Daae Secret Society
We knew there was a lot of creepy stuff going on in the catacombs of the Majestic Theatre (apparently the Red Death has been making dressing room visits), but we had no idea top-secret meetings of The Christine Daae Club were a regular occurrence. If you wanna sneak in, their secret handshake is a high E.

The If/Then Cast Has Too Many Snacks 
It's super nice of all you If/Then fans to keep James Snyder, Idina Menzel and co. showered in endless goodies all the time, but don't you think they have enough Goldfish, kettle chips and Jo-Jos already? Seriously, they told us, they're sick of them. Please re-route all of those delicious treats c/o Broadway.com, 729 7th Ave. New York, NY 10019.

Jamie & Cathy Are Finally Getting Hitched
Guys, we’re finally invited to the wedding of Cathy Hiatt and Jamie Wellerstein! Yaaay! The new movie adaptation of The Last Five Years, starring Jeremy Jordan and Anna Kendrick, will premiere at the Toronto Film Festival this fall. Oh, and quasi-spoiler-alert? You’re also invited to their subsequent divorce. Bring tissues.

Aaron Tveit Is Looking For Love (Kinda)
Well, ladies, the time has finally come: Aaron Tveit is officially single and ready to mingle. And he wants to date you. Yes, you, sitting at your computer...in his new movie Stereotypically You! OK, that was a cruel trick, but everyone’s a winner when Tveit’s on the big screen. Especially if he wears these.

Lesli Margherita’s Farts Get Parts
Matilda star Lesli Margherita didn’t get her first big role in Annie by doing a killer version of “Tomorrow.” Nope, the director spotted her making fart noises with her legs on a leather couch and instantly knew she was the gal for the job. Wait, that’s what a casting couch is? Damn, we’ve been doing it wrong.